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Goodness

by The Hotelier

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released May 27, 2016

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The Hotelier Worcester, Massachusetts

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Track Name: N 43° 59' 38.927" W 71° 23' 45.27''
We sit and we talk, not of much but
of little. I see the moon, the moon sees me.
I would smile but
it would be meaningless. I wouldn't want it to be.
But in the landscape of tilted heads
while the sky sheds
skin on my body I feel
my voice quiet to a halt, and This is where I am.

You in this light feels new/woken
Woven deep until the roots
touch dryness against the fallen limb of oaken.
This place speaks. It says many things
of Nothing, makes
no demands, and offers
no salvation.
Only repeats what you say in
a way you've never heard it.
An echo off the far wall.
A reflection of your face.
I see the moon.
The moon sees me.
That's enough.
Track Name: Piano Player
Inside your room there’s 40 few 

remaining figures of new moons 

to curve around your axle heart 

in hopes that something new will start.

They’re winding down they’re closing ranks

to rest another 30 days. 

You lay and watch them wax and glow. 

You hold them in your hand and let them...

A kid half my age, baby’s breath and meadow sage clutched in her hands like trophy game, just like the wild world was tame, was granted home and tender care into an awkward piece of ware three-quarters full or quarter-drained and both adversely sure how long they will sustain.

My eyes greet hers and hers do mine and then the room becomes her shrine. An older ma'am sets herself straight and then she smiles with 88 remembered loves and morning suns until her woven was sung. Her fingers dropped like falling rain. The entire room awash with the sustain.

You always said that you don’t dance but then a heel turn to a shadow stance. I’m rung like sodden cloth. And the autumn leaves turn over across your floor, into the hall and I’ve declined into a crawl and you decompress and fall away but this floor is raised on beams of trust and there’s room enough for both of us so stay. Sustain.

Inside your room there’s 40 few

remaining figures of new moons 

to curve around your axle heart 

in hopes that something new will start.
The things you grow are set to die.

You cling to them with knuckles white. 

So wind me up, damper to floor 

and I don’t know if I know love no more.
Track Name: Two Deliverances
The icons cluttering your bureau are eyeing me as I walk in. Your guardians are present in here and I trust that they have always been hiding somewhere in your closet, collecting moisture from your face. Your secret world speaks without words and I feel clumsy and cumbersome in this place.

But if I want them too will they speak to me soon
in a language ripe for my listening?
When the harsh sun breaks in your stained glass eyes
the refracted light keeps glistening.

A drapery of clashing fabrics in every corner of your room. They hung like lace on the whitewashed face of the walls that are begging you to move and leave the things that hold a history as if they're present in your will. A brand new place a few miles away but I just wasn't sure I was staying still.

But if you choose too it's a honest move
and I guess that it makes for no deferences.
There's a gleam of blue from a cold night's moon.
Just a touch too soon, Two Deliverances.

On an empty panel floor I lie here for communion just waiting for one more but in the quiet empty hours of my afternoon what am I supposed to do? But if I want them too will they come to me soon? Will they fluctuate between midnight and past noon? Was kind of banking on a future that'd be involving you but I couldn't ask this of you.

In this young night's sky there are pinhole lights.
Find the shape of a harp and an arrowhead.
Do I hear your tunes or acknowledge wounds
that I got from rubbing elbows with a sharpened edge?
But if I choose this too does it count as my move?
I can't drop my history just to become new.
Now swimming through the nothingness and the absolute
but I couldn't ask this of you.
Track Name: Settle The Scar
Dizzy drunk and throwing up,
I finally stopped my spinning.
I guess I figured you'd show up
with all my old belongings
saying "there you go my friend
I'm sure you've saved another"
Collapsing walls around me.
I need some brick and mortar.

Took a swing at shortened cuts
made a wrong turn somewhere.
Unprepared for fucking up
should remind me I'm still there.
and I am feeling sharpened splinters
cutting through my center
to hear you as you're coming around again.

You've taken pages from a book
you couldn't see your face in.
Claimed the author was a crook
in need of illustration.
and You were begging me for more.
Did you get what you wanted?
The feeling in your fingers,
right back from where you started?

You made a map of how you loved
and drew a perfect circle.
I scribbled a Venn diagram.
I guess I lost my stable hand.
and I am feeling long cold winters.
I'm lost and can't remember
the ways to keep myself as warm as then.

I owned your name,
your body shape.
It's sits like family;
A grateful offering
reflected on the lake.
New slight of hand
will trick my memory,
a veil on everything.
The paths that you could take.

You said you see life in exploding color
like the flash of stars
or New England autumn.
I should've asked if you could stay.
I should've found a way around it
because now all I see is grey
all trapped in memories that surround it.

And in your father's summer home
he squared and framed a question.
A collage of news print on the wall
makes me feel cut in sections.
and I am shaking off my chagrin,
flaking snow, and dead skin
that buried me in all my past mistakes.
Track Name: Opening Mail For My Grandmother
Your grip on my forearm, insert the wrong name,
holds me at your nightstand just inches away
with letters from faces we'll ask if you knew
who send out another yearly review.
I'm coming for you.
We're making attendance. We're following through.
So "start the next post card, share with me the news."
Your highness has spoken.
I'm coming for you.

From Gingie in San Fran, "the grandkids are dear."
The nurse from at St. beth's was widowed this year
but their making arrangements. You jest and allude
and nod at Sai Baba. You laughingly rude,
"I'm coming for you".
Entirely brazen while coming unto
your sunrise apartment and incredible view
of birds that keep chirping
"I'm coming for you."

I'm coming for you.
Your beautiful brightness, perpetually new.
So old in your body, the youth's in your mood.
They're keeping your space there they're dying for you.
We'll sing your good graces when they come for you
but until that day's here I'm coming for you.
Track Name: Soft Animal
We were cloaked in the awning of night or early morning. 

Through the headboard there’s a flicker of light 

and light warning. 

Sophie’s on the bunk overhead reading Mary Oliver 

while I lay still in my bed. 

That’s when I see you there. 

Fawn doe, light snow. 

Make me feel alive, 

make me believe that all my selves align. 

Fawn, doe, light snow.

Spots on brown of white 

make me believe that it is all alright. 

Your soft face pressed to the wilt, 

first spring sunrise 

standing low on quivering stilts. 

In attempting to keep you to stay

I am raising no alarm. 

It is just us two alone. 

Then I feel a sigh of wind, your raising eyes

a rolling fog that lets you hide 

and I can hear the rustling as you go. 

Oh, go slow. 

Fawn, doe, light snow.

Make me feel alive. 

Make me believe that I don’t have to die. 

Fawn, doe, light snow. 

Spots on brown of white 

make me believe that there’s a God sometimes. 

The ring around your mothers heart 

grows saccharine then falls apart 

and I can hear the rustling as you go. 

You camouflaged or clearly seen

and nameless in the in-between 

and I can hear the rustling as you go. 

The firing of rifles off 

the echo hits you hard enough 

and I can hear the rustling as you go.

A soft and skittish self inside 

shines golden, opal, chrysolite 

and I can feel the rustling as you go. 

Oh, go slow. 

A mob a voices harmonize 

and tell me that your not alive 

but I can feel the rustling as you go.
Track Name: Sun
You and I'd escape the night and call it summering.
I'd hold your rays and ride for days while you spin endlessly.
You undone, I felt safely strung between all your nerve endings.
So you made waves to congregate and finally ask of me,

"Will you lay with me where the sun hits right?
When the tired days can't remember
how a blurring haze came across your eyes.
Will you lay with me forever?"

Sun.
Focused state. Wide awake in the eye of everything.
You and me twin-firing machines spending all our energy.

I felt the shade cool and grey and glanced up suddenly.
Aurora spray, a horizon away as I shout at the top of me,

"Will you lay with me in the sun tonight?
When the tired days can't remember
how a blurring haze comes across my eyes.
will you lay with me forever, Sun?"

Carved your name across the sky in a fit of exiting.
With the polar night just in sight, will you come and visit me?
You and me twin-firing machines spending all our energy.
If it's you undone, then I can't sit with you.
And it's you undone and I can't sit in your sun.
Track Name: You In This Light
Feeling erodes
moving like wash against the limestone
leaving you cold
when I'm leaving you all alone.

Hugging the walls
finding the switch to turn the light on
to find you in a ball
wrapped in the bedding. But

You in this light feels like a thing I can't remember.
You in this light feels like a thing I can't remember.
Feeling disarmed, a little raw, and decentered.
You in this light feels like a thing I can't remember.

What if we don't?
What if we never know?

You in this light feels like a thing I can't remember.
Clutching you close your body felt like December
shook awake early from the rock of your tremors.
Tracing my thumb over the miles of your memory.
Now a bit brighter with a smile and a laughter.
One in the same and what am I to be after,
dancing in private with the concept of never?
You in this light feels like a thing I can't remember.
Coming around again,
making some space to mend,
gaining the strength to stand,
feeling the love again.
Track Name: Fear Of Good
Skin, caked with sap of pine,
can't catch against my roaring mind.
The coat slips off my etched spine.
It's a weight no longer carried
and I'm freezing.
A message to my brother sky,
I long to hold your hand tonight
but when up against this summit's height
I'm tense, I'm small, I'm speechless
and I'm freezing.
Track Name: End Of Reel
First breath following wakes of the
palms pressed, brushed on my arm and then
wave stretched sending me off to descend,
leading me into the bend.
Keep pulsing my hand to the beat of you.

Shapeless hiss hanging over the
mixes of midnight and twilight.
It passes, dims to make space and suspend
while she's singing her swan song again.
It got stuck in my head as the sound of you.

In the night, we will celebrate cyclical spin
as we ritually send off the fire at both ends
yet I'm blanketed, wet with the thought in my head:
I don't know what I want what I want's where I've been

The kind of thing that hangs inside a moment.
A kiss of good that's temperate and golden
that permeates the surface of the woven
and seeps into the piece of you inside of my head.

Goodness, present and hallowed
is thanking walls of the shallow
embankments for flowing in over the
ranks of soldiering messes of
dayglow blades scorched by hovering halos.
Washing away until I don't even cringe at the thought of you.

In the light of the day, stabilize and reset
and then burn in the image until I can't forget
and end ceaselessly speaking until Nothing is unsaid.
I don't know what I want what I want is where I've been.
In the night will rest you head into my hands
will you disrupt this pattern from starting again?
If I ask you for Nothing will Nothing there stand?
I don't know what I want what I wants where I've been.

and Oh, the resonant calm comes hard
and hums off the walls of the block uncarved.
It's new, but I don't know what to do
with sight of you brimming.